Is this a good intro for an english assignment?

The piercing noise of bullets and the thunderous boom of exploding grenades created a great mass of black smoke. The smoke rose off the top of the beautiful Kashmir Mountains. As the sunlight crept into the pitch black darkness of the night and the heavy patches of fog disappeared, the battlefield became clearer, and the gun shots and explosions came to a steady halt. Moments after the sun had risen in the morning sky, there was utter silence. There was only one man standing, Major Karan Chaudary. With the remainder of his strength, he dug the beautiful green, white, and orange flag into the ground with his dirty, bloodstained hands. He was a tall, gaunt man with piercing eyes. His pale skin was shining in the early sunlight. You could see glow of pride on his face. He was tired; he felt a quenching thirst. At the same time, he wasn’t tired; it was as if the glory that came from his success gave him the energy he needed. A final piercing noise was heard, and the man fell to the ground

Is this a good intro for an english assignment?
sounds like you copied it right out of a book
Reply:It sounds really good.

Are you telling an actual story that you have made up, or are you doing a book review?



If you are doing a book review, make sure you do not re-tell the story as it will loose you ALOT of marks...



--%26lt;-@
Reply:Yeah, that's really good. But I think you use the word "he" too much, try to replace it with other words such as...



The man...or...

the actual name of the guy